|
Please bring him back
After a night of drunken of partying and getting my right testicle cut off, I returned home. What i saw was a grisly sight. My good.. well... only friend was missing. It seems Larry, my good ol' half ostrich, was gone. I could tell by the whole in my living room floor. Larry must've dug a whole, and stuck his head in to hide. But, somehow those evil bastards found him.
I immediately tried to find poor ol' Larry. My first break came early on...
InFeStXGrEeNdAy [5:35 PM]: Have you seen my half an ostrich?
IronSpeed75 [5:35 PM]: no but i saw ur other testicle rollin down the road
InFeStXGrEeNdAy [5:35 PM]: pfft... I've known my testicle was there for days...
So... doensn't sound like much of a break, eh? Well... i'll show you how it is later...
So anyway, I continued talking to this "IronSpeed75" fellow. when I can across this...
IronSpeed75: guards slice of his head
IronSpeed75: and kill his ostrich
But I wasn't worried... he said "Ostrich"... not "half-ostrich"....
That night, I had a dream. I was sitting alone, and suddenly, there was Larry. he was in a cage, with men surrounding him... he was scared, and tried to dig a whole to hide his head in...
What did this dream meen? Only one man could tell me..
However, before I could go see this mystical fellow, I recieved a message from the evil "IronSpeed75"
IronSpeed75: ithought u were sick
IronSpeed75: damnit!
IronSpeed75: GET THE OSTRICH
HowCanYouHateEmo: nooooooooooo
IronSpeed75: GIVE IT A SHOT OF HEROIN!
IronSpeed75: NOW!!!!
IronSpeed75: bring me the sweetest candy in the world and i will spair Larry's life
IronSpeed75: ...for now...
HowCanYouHateEmo: ::sends cnady he bought for himself::
HowCanYouHateEmo: damn you
HowCanYouHateEmo: that was good candy:-(
So, apparently, they had Larry hooked on Heroine, so even if I did get him back, he would be unruly, and i would have to sell him to the "Half-Ostriches on Heroine" foundation....
The next night, I had another dream. This time, i saw the evil IronSpeed75 shooting up Larry. I can only hope that when I get Larry back, he'll be ok...
I started recieving threatening notes and cryptic sayings from "IronSpeed75", aka Dan, at school.
"You ostrich is dead"
or
"You'll never get him back, he's dead you 'tard"
Most of those notes and sayings consisted of this.
I was at a dead end. I had nowhere to go, not knowing whether or not Larry was dead or alive, living in constant fear of what I might find out next. You could've hit me in the head with a 2 by four, and i wouldn't have noticed. I was that scared. Sad, ain't it?
Then one day, I recieved a note. You can see this note on the note on the bottom of the page...
Now, this evil towelhand person continued to talk to me....
eyeAMthEGGman: i don't understand this once i get a cd burner so i can make my own copies, the library extends the viewing amount to 2 weeks instead of 1
eyeAMthEGGman: i would be liek richer if it had always been like that
HowCanYouHateEmO: Haha.
eyeAMthEGGman: u were in on it werent u!
HowCanYouHateEmO: You know it.
eyeAMthEGGman: and u have my now don't u!!!
HowCanYouHateEmO: Dude, we should cover Sliver...
HowCanYouHateEmO: possibly.
eyeAMthEGGman: don't make me remove one more rice from Larry's dinner
eyeAMthEGGman: that would make 14 u no
So it appeared that poor Larry was being tortured, mercilessly... that bastard Dan was up to his old tricks... then, on thanksgiving, I was told of the worst news yet...
eyeAMthEGGman: happy thanksgiving
HowCanYouHateEmO: SAme to you.
HowCanYouHateEmO: Too... much.... turkey...
eyeAMthEGGman: Too...much...ostrich...
HowCanYouHateEmO: No!!!!
SO it appeared that there was a mix up wat the Valvasorri household. His mother had bought a giant turkey, the same size as larry, named Barry. And well, you can guess what happened after that....
Now, this doesn't mean Larry's saga has ended... well, in a sense, it does, but that's besides the point. Barry, the turkey, shall take his place. poor, poor Barry.
|
